Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!!!!

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

Q: What is the definition "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A: A lobotomy.

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one unharmed every hour if his demands weren't
met.

Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on.

Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called, Sosumi.

Q: Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he
     died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.

Q: What is the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer on the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the dead dog.