The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. 
 * Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

 Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. 
 * Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

 If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
 On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. 
 * O'Ryan's -Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

 Beauty is only a light switch away.
 * Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina. 

 I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
 * Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts. 

 If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then all
get 
 wasted together and have the time of our lives.
 * Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C. 

 Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" 
 * Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

 God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? -The Irish Times. 
 * Washington, D.C.

 Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. 
 * The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

 No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of 
 putting up with her %%%%.
 * Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina. 

 To do is to be. -Descartes
 To be is to do. -Voltaire
 Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
 * Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona. 

 At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
 * Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona. 

 It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
 * Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona. 

 Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!
 * Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana. 

 God is dead. -Nietzsche
 Nietzsche is dead. -God
 * The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C. 

 If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. 
 * Revolution Books. New York, New York.

 A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're to
have 
 trouble with it.
 * Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas. 

 JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested? 
 * Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.

 If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? 
 Congress!
 * Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C. 

 Watch out for Gay Limbo Dancers
 * Inside toilet stall door, Men's restroom, ??? 

 Express Lane: Five beers or less
 * Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's. Pheonix, AZ. 

 You're too good for him.
 * Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly
Hills, 
 CA.

 No wonder you always go home alone.
 * Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills,
CA.